An End to Arguing: 101 Valuable Lessons for All Relationships
Now Available for Pre-order!

We are delighted to announce the arrival of our newest book, An End to Arguing:101 Valuable Lessons for All Relationships. This book represents the culmination of our work over the past 45 years with individuals, couples and organizations in promoting well-being and mutually fulfilling relationships. It is also the product of what we have learned from our clients, students, and each other in the course of our 50 plus years of marriage, particularly the challenges and blessings that we’ve experienced.together. The book explains why differences are inevitable in all relationships, but conflict is optional. It also provides clear and compelling answers to the question of how it is possible to prevent differences from turning into conflict while maintaining your own integrity.

An End to Arguing addresses what may be the most important question of all relationships, particularly, but not limited to, intimate partnerships: “How do we honor the truth of our own experience without neglecting the needs of the relationship?”Unresolved, repetitive arguments do great damage to the fabric of relationship. And yet many of us, despite our best efforts, find it difficult if not impossible to avoid those destructive interactions. Our book illuminates 101 important lessons that we’ve learned over the years that have enabled us and thousands of others to prevent those slides down the proverbial rabbit hole and to turn a looming breakdown into a productive breakthrough.

The book also clarifies why advice, well intended as it may be, is rarely productive. It also illuminates the means through which we can go from either/or (zero sum) thinking, to a perspective of enlightened self-interest. If you’ve ever found yourself in a relationship conundrum, you’ll find valuable insights and guidance in this book that will cast a light of understanding that can lead you out of the darkness.

The leading cause of damaged or failed relationships is an inability to skillfully manage interpersonal differences. Our book provides clear guidance as to the nature of those skills and specific practices that will support their development. It also identifies the character strengths that underlie the development of those skills and the practices that will fortify them. While the book does address the unique challenges (“learning opportunities”) of romantic partnerships, It also addresses concerns and issues that frequently show up in friendships, workplaces, families, and situations which involve negotiating skill.

The principles and practices that we offer in our book have been road tested in the laboratory of our own relationship and in the lives of the many individuals and couples with whom we’ve worked over the years. As the saying goes, relationships can require a lot of work. This book addresses the nature of what that work actually involves and provides the guidance and tools to turn hard labor into a labor of love.

An End to Arguing doesn’t just provide a way of preventing differences from turning into painful conflict, but it clearly illuminates a path that can promote a degree of mutual fulfillment beyond our expectations or even hopes.

Some of the book’s chapter titles are: How to finish unfinished business, Why you shouldn’t pick your battles, The high cost of winning an argument , From fear to fearlessness, When he (or she) won’t open up,  From avoidance to engagement, Ten magic words, The real deal about deal-breakers, and irreconcilable differences. And there are 91 more, any one of which could be sufficient to promote a breakthrough in your relationship. And we assure you that there will be a lot more than one of these chapters which you will find deeply beneficial. Guaranteed!

The publication date of An End to Arguing: 101 Valuable Lessons for All Relationships is February 14, 2023 (Valentines Day!) It is currently being offered in soft cover, hard-cover, and kindle for pre-order through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other websites.